Chapter Three

It was late when Jessica made her way up the stairs to her old bedroom. It was amazing how her mom didn’t change a thing in there since she left. With the exception of bedding and curtains anyway. Looking around brought back so many childhood memories. Good memories. But through all the memories the only thing she could find the strength to do is lie on the bed clutching a teddy bear and cry. She held it together for so long, 9 months to be exact. She could just feel herself falling apart. Every inch of her body hurt. Every nerve jumped.

The divorce had been final since June. It hadn’t taken the attorney long to sort everything out. It was Tom’s decision to use the same attorney to save money. How cheap. Jessica didn’t care. She just remembered how she wanted it all over with and Tom out of her life so she could start over. Tom had agreed that instead of paying her alimony, he would forfeit his half of the value of the house when it was sold. Jessica was ecstatic about that to say the least. She wanted him to be no part of her future and not having to receive a check from him on a monthly basis was fine by her.

The house had sold rather quickly in the first week of August for $1.5 million. After the mortgage company was paid, she had a nice down payment for a two level, loft condo in center city Philly. With a little extra to splurge on some new things for herself. It was nice when she moved into the condo and got out of the country. She felt a brief time of relief. She was back where she wanted to be. Her 2nd floor loft area was set up as her photography studio. She was excited to get back into some more personal work again. But, there was something missing. It wasn’t the presence of someone being there because, she had been alone for so long when she thought about it. It was a feeling that she has had for a long time. Even before the divorce. She never had time to focus on it until now. Until she was alone, finally alone. She just couldn’t figure it out. She buried herself in her work. So much that she had started to lose focus on it. When she looked through the camera to take those shots she didn’t see the story she usually saw. All she saw was another subject whizzing by. Her pictures lost the feeling they once held. She was in danger of losing her status she held for so many years. Karine had placed her on Sabbatical but, was it too late? Had others began to notice? Was she going to have to start over in her job too? There were so many questions.

These things plagued her as she lie awake in her childhood bedroom. A place that she hadn’t been for 18 years. Well, if she was going to start over, going back to the beginning seemed to be the best place to start.

The alarm clock on the night stand said 11:30am. Jessica didn’t know how long she was asleep but it felt like only 5 minutes. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror actually made her jump back a bit. Her eyes were all puffy and swollen from crying all night. Her 5’10”, 165 lbs. frame looked weak.

“God Jessie you look sick” she said to herself. As the hot water hit her skin she felt muscles that she didn’t know exists start to relax from the massage they were getting. Jessica started to think. How was she going to snap out of this funk? She should feel good about herself. She was free, free to do whatever she wanted without “running it by” anyone first. If she wanted to take on another client, she could. If she wanted to quit her job and work for Nat Geo like she has wanted to since she was a little girl, what was going to stop her? Nobody. But, she loved her job at Philly City Images. She had her internship there and never left. She loved the fact that she has been THE #1 sport photographer since 1998. That was 11 years running going to be 12 once they announce the 2010 nominees. She is sure to be one of them and of course get the honor as usual. She already had her speech written. “Gosh Jessica your such a dork” she voiced out loud. But then why the hell did she feel like such shit.

After putting on some makeup to cover up the puffy pillows under her eyes she made her way to the kitchen where her mom had a spread of various lunch meat and fixing for self made hoagies. She kissed her mom gently on the cheek and made her way over to her father. Not sure why but she did the same to him. That was the first time she had ever done that. He smiled.

“Are we expecting the Army with all this food?” she asked as she took a seat between them at the table.

“No. It’s just lunch” her mom replies. Jessica wasn’t surprised at the answer. Her mom had always cooked a feast. There were always leftovers.

“So what is on our agenda for today Jessie?”

“Not sure, I haven’t really thought about it. It’s been so long since I’ve been here, I really don’t know where to start.”

“The pond is frozen. I think there playing a community game today why don’t you go check it out. It should start around 3. I’m sure you’re bound to run into some old friends in town for the holiday. Might be nice to catch up with some old friends. Who knows if coach sees you he may ask his old star player to lace up some skates and jump on”

Her mom was talking about the community pond that was used as a make shift hockey rink every winter. The community game was a little rivalry the town had. They had two co-ed teams, west and east. Back in her day it was a serious thing. It was quite the “friendly” rivalry. You see, if you lived on the East side you could try out for the East and West side for the west. She used to play for the east. She must admit she was the best player on the team. But then again she was a competitive person, and she always went after what she wanted. She had heard the rivalry had died down after she left.

“Oh I don’t know about that Mom. I haven’t played a game since my first year in college, and that was just a few friends screwing around on the ice. Does Coach Hoffman still do it?”

"Well, it’s Coach Hoffman only its John not Daniel.”

“Johnny!? Little Johnny is the coach now?”

“He’s not so little Johnny anymore. He’s 32 years old. He coaches the high school football team now too.”

“Wow, times have changed haven’t they?”

“That’ll teach you to stay away for 18 LONG Years now won’t it?” Her mom said with a snicker

“Oh and for the west its coach McCormick now.” Mom paused

“Bobby McCormick? The “NHL wannabe” McCormick?”

“Yup”

Bobby McCormick played for the west when Jessie played. He was the west side’s best player. They were always after each other on the ice. He never did forgive her for breaking his nose.

Her father put down his glass of soda “I think we should all go, as a family, like the old days. It’ll be nice to take it a game.”

The look of shock on her mother’s face said it all. She remembered her mom telling her that Dad had no desire to go to the community game anymore since she wasn’t there to play.

“OK Dad, yea we’ll go. As a family.” Jessica answered

“That settles that then” her mom finished

They sat at the table finishing their sandwiches, looking at the local paper and making small talk. Nothing was said about last night. Jessica figured they were still processing all the information. Jessica was actually laughing a bit, smiling too. Is this what she was missing?